Gerald Celente In Encyclopedia Dramatica (Wikipedia Alternative)

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Gerald Celente

Gerald Celente, internet pornographer and trends forecaster, is one of the stranger creatures to wash up on the shores of ED from that freak-ocean known as the internets. In fact, it has been argued that Celente actually predates the internets itself. Celente opened The Trends Research Institute -- an institution from which Celente projects his mental illness into the rest of the world -- in 1980. For internets users who cannot remember this primitive era in human history it is perhaps worth referring to it as pre-NES.
Since the launch of the internets, however, Celente's brain-disease has spread far beyond the wackos and survivalists who used to fap to pre-internets magazine pessimism porn issued by the Trends Research Institute. Celente now pollutes Jewtube with his inane ramblings and unintentionally hilarious "schtick". And with this shift in the medium used, Celente's product has gone from softcore to hardcore.

The Trends Research Institute

Celente and the Trends Research gang hard at work.

The idea behind The Trends Research Institute was, like many inventions devised while in the throes of paranoid schizophrenia, to predict the future. Celente and his band of merry men would try to spot trends in global happenings. These "trends" would mainly be derived from reading newspapers, watching the mainstream news channels and listening to statements from politicians. However, Celente and the Trends Research Institute would then go on to ridicule newspapers, mainstream news channels and politicians.
In short, Celente and the TRI invented Jewtube punditry before the dawn of the internets itself. While most people had to wait for the anonymity that the internet gave them to offload their embarrassing personal defects upon others, Celente was well ahead of the game. It should also be mentioned that Celente is a Jew, making all his statements instantaneously 15% more humiliating than they would otherwise be.

Predictions

Gerald Celente: Proof that Jews have more genes in common with tiny monkeys than they do with other humans.

Celente has been making predictions about just about everything for years. Basically, he just says that lots of bad stuff is going to happen without going into any real specifics. This has proved a great way to hedge his bets because whenever a bad event happens just about anywhere in the world Celente can claim that he predicted it. Celente's recipe for success thus runs something like this:

1. Predict that everything bad that could happen will happen.
2. Wait until something bad actually happens.
3.  ????
4. PROFIT!!!

This is a pretty hit or miss tactic. For example, since 1993 his vague predictions about terrorism, war and economic decline have come true; but his predictions regarding America becoming a fascist dictatorial state have not. Particularly embarrassing is when Celente dons his clown make-up and makes public predictions that there will be a meltdown on a very specific date.
End of the World Coming on New Years Eve 2011

Nevertheless, like all lunatic cranks Celente can continue to claim that all those predictions which have not yet come true will eventually. While doing this Celente can continue to track "trends" that he thinks indicates a coming fascist dictatorship. Even though this is clearly fucking st00pid, it makes for great fodder for that giant cannon of lulz that is The Alex Jones Show.
Nevertheless, like all lunatic cranks Celente can continue to claim that all those predictions which have not yet come true will eventually. While doing this Celente can continue to track "trends" that he thinks indicates a coming fascist dictatorship. Even though this is clearly fucking st00pid, it makes for great fodder for that giant cannon of lulz that is The Alex Jones Show.
Gerald Celente Tugs His Stump HARD on AJ's Livecam Porno Show